We blow bubbles at construction workers on his front porch & laugh and it feels so perfect. My hand is all screwed up, It won't bend all the way out and it aches at night. Everytime I walk by where I fell and started this whole crazy mess I cringe and am extra careful. Sloth-like.
I am making art out of scraps of fabric from quilts, glue, cardboard, and my loopy creativity. Kody loves it and I think it's a start, though to what I am not sure.
Heavy from chinese food. thisvandalism your letter was mailed off today in the post. love you. ♥
I swore there was a map on your hands, streets on your palms, north and south touching your fingertips, your scarred wrists. I wanted to shuffle through life reading your map, but you clenched your fists tightly: part fear, the other foolish bravery. To fight through everything blindfolded and smiling.
He was your oxygen, and he gave you the infection. Everynight you would spit on his photograph and then apologize with hot salty tears. There really was no consoling you. Sometimes I dug my fingers into my wrists to see what it feels like to always be aware of a sharp dull pain, keeping your eyes open, keeping your mouth trembling.
It was a never ending loop. Your death, and my armour I wore to close up the outside world. I had no maps, you weren't even scattered among the stars, like you promised. Your lips were cracking, but you had sworn it. And now there was dust on my fingertips, the very last memory of you.
& I met Miss Odessa a few days ago. We ate sushi and went and saw "She Wants Revenge" live. I got lots of hugs, and she is just the most darling thing ever, really. She's sweet too, We might go to the zoo with Kody this friday. It was so nice finally to meet her, she just has this great aura about her, and I love her art.
I feel such a passion for the zoo again, I feel mostly 12 lately. I can't believe it is July. It feels and smells like it, but I am never sure what time it is, it all slips so fast.
. It was 102 degrees at the zoo the other day. They had me stationed at the butterfly exhibit, when it got to 100 the volunteers inside got to leave, and we had to go inside for them. It felt like I was in Costa Rice, butterflies brushing over my head, the heat so intense it melts in my throat. I got sleepy, sluggish, I watched catterpillar's in their Chrysallises struggling to emerge with wings. It was so hot. Even riding the bus home was exhausting at the end of the day. I felt half delirious.
. The next day I floated in Kody's grandma's pool. I spent hours diving under with fake fins and underwater bubbles leaving my lips. Kody's grandparents live in the country, surrounded by green lush fields, a deep forest, and a perfect view of Mt. Hood dusted with clouds.
. I stumbled over a gate a couple days ago at the zoo, and flew a couple feet down hill. My left elbow is badly scraped, I felt like I was 10 years old again. It stung the whole evening, I bruised up my knees, my arms, I banged up my hand.
. Work, I really love work. I mean it is work so, I get bored, tired, but it is a great environment. I meet hundreds of different people every day. I recieve loads of smiles. I never know where they will have me, yesterday I was running this 3d thrill ride by iworks. I felt like a theme park employee, Kody keeps calling me a carny.
at the zoo, this man was talking to me about how he goes and takes photos of the wolves & hands out free photos to people. He's been going there for years, he lets anyone call him Grandpa George or G.G. He has his leg missing from the knee down. He was eccentric and amusing. I really enjoyed talking with him.
He gave me a photo he took, of a wolf. I'm going to put it on my wall, I think.
Tomorrow, so very exhausted, and melting in this heat.
"You look like a fairytale." We are a fairytale. And there are crumbling, fairytale houses with teacups and teapots, saucers, chandeliers in the trees. There is an old fake castle, graffitied & vintage. We go to thrift stores and I scrunch my nose up at the fur and get excited over toys and strange little things for houses. Pink lamps, porcelain lucky chinese cats, a jewelry box that looks like old postcards print. Fabric of strange mushrooms, rainbow, and stars, on brown denim that I want to cut up and sew onto jeans. Pinstripe pants with pink pinstripes.
Letters are going out soon to Anna & Daile. I smell summer in the air, in the wind, in the clouds. I ache for rivers, pools, ocean foam. But the walks, the walks are the best. The teacup house is my favorite. Favorite.